beautiful people, i can’t speak tonight. we have people over and more people coming so i thought i’d take the opportunity before more people get here and it turns into a up till the sunrise kind of night to let you know that i won’t be able to speak tonight. i’ve moved over to this side of the balcony with my cigarettes and ashtray to tell you this.
on the other side of the balcony, nick is talking about the mountain with our friend, who is egyptian, but who hasn’t been to egypt since he was seven when he moved to saudi arabia with his family which is where he met our other friend who is from here from the mountain. he’s living in dubai now, but was telling us about how he’s looking for a back-up plan, because egyptians aren’t safe in the uae anymore, your visa could be canceled at any minute now, after the war. today its egyptians but it could be anyone. that’s the thing about dubai and the whole region, you never know when it could all flip, all of a sudden, and there are no unions or boards or legal bodies you can consult. the iron fist comes down and that is all.
it’s volatile. they’re involved in multiple wars. it’s culturally volatile. all the changes happened recently, everybody who lives there, who’s from there, is on a trip. jaddah is the place to be, he says. jaddah is the place to be, it’s a city by the beach. the best jobs will be in riyadh but in jaddah you have better work life balance.
we’re not sure where we want to be, where the best place to be is. we want to be in lebanon but we don’t want to be in lebanon, we can’t rely on lebanon, but that’s a whole story that i don’t have time to talk about because like i said i can’t talk tonight. but once upon a time i measured my own worth by who wanted to be friends with me, and i would bend over backwards to make myself as agreeable and lovely as possible so they wouldn’t leave and i could stay worthy. these days i’m less concerned with worthiness than i am with sleep. i would really like some uninterrupted sleep. i’ve taken uninterrupted sleep for granted.
anyway, beautiful reader, more friends have arrived.
until tomorrow <3
Its hard when home is lacking and you have made a life elsewhere - I am in the Uk and I want to be back in South Africa but also don’t want to be in South Africa.
hoping you can find some sleep soon. it's hard enough when traveling and visiting friends and family, but a whole other level as the mom of an infant as well. love your furballs. love you. <3